My shitty attitude level is on 10 today

Oh My Goodness like I seriously cannot get it together, I’m trying to relax and become one with good change! I am attempting another change in my eating habits and lifestyle and the withdrawal symptoms are REAL! I’m not going to pretend this shit is easy and that I don’t have struggles. I have been a vegetarian/pescatarian for 9 years now which means towards the end of 2006 I gave up pork and beef and in 2007 I gave up all meat and only ate fish & seafood occasionally. Over the years I have gradually given up products that are filled with chemicals and animal testing. Over the years of detoxing and getting “clean” different truths about the world around me have been revealed such as the process behind how many of the foods we eat make it to the supermarket. Knowing these things are totally gross, evil and inhumane at times, this includes the seafood too. Therefore, I am taking the step to become vegan. This means nothing associated with animals. No products animal tested, no ice cream, yogurt, cheese and OMG I didn’t realize that I would go through so many emotional changes! I am in such a shitty mood today..but nothing is really wrong. My life is good, my family is happy and healthy and I have a lot of good projects in the works. However, I am a hard worker and set goals any my emotions are naturally attached because my gols mean everything to me. I realize that my connection with emotional eating and being vegan is at WAR! Not to mention my husband wants to take his journey a step further and go raw. This means, he wants to eat nothing that is processed or cooked (because cooking removes most, if not all the foods good nutrients and enzymes). Like, really?! I keep telling him I need more baby steps…but he is so encouraging and I’m like naw homie…ok (I release I scream). I had bought a bunch of vegan hot dogs and veggie burgers a few days ago because I’m still working on letting these things go…my hubby saw one bad ingredient and took it all back to the supermarket and came back with nuts, kale and tofu instead, grrrrr (I wanted to kick him so bad lol!!!) I let it go because it is for the improvement of health & life and plus whatever he made was pretty tasty! While I’m at work I try to eat only salads…sometimes I slip and eat some GMO-free potato stixs, egg whites, hashbrowns and rye bread smh! I felt bad yesterday because I had some jalapeno bottle caps which are deep fried sliced jalapenos and only Lord knows about the freaking vegetable oil or whatever they fry them in…so last night I gave the raw life a try. I ate…well I drank a smoothie for dinner. It was actually pretty good, plenty of green fruits and veggies and hemp seeds which are the supreme court of protein, vitamins and good fats. I drank it and I actually felt pretty full like 10 minutes later…I was surprised, but right after I went to sleep. Therefore, I don’t know if I was successfully full because the smoothie or because I was too sleep to be hungry. Anyhoo, we had the same smoothie for breakfast and I’m not doing so good. I’m having all types of cravings and my attitude is super shitty. I tell my husband that I don’t feel good and just need some peace and quiet and to be alone for a little while, needless to say…I’m still waiting for that. So meanwhile, I’m trying to do my hair to keep busy and I’m thinking of flaming hot Cheetos, white cheddar popcorn, veggie burgers, burritos and all types of yummy things that aren’t vegan. We used to be junk food vegetarians, just diet full of starches such as pasta, pizza, rice and breads…but living and learning has us on a different journey. I am very thankful for the process we have made in our lives thus far and it is harder in the beginning, but I won’t give up and you shouldn’t either. I am expressing my feelings here to let you all know it is okay to try new things, we have been living our entire lives opposite of what it should be due to the brainwashing of our parents and grandparents, but it is hard to keep living wrong once the truth has been revealed to you. It won’t be perfect and easy, but it is worth it. Our lives are worth living!!!

Peace & Love

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